I was a dumb kid

No really.

First, let me warn you that this topic could be considered unacceptable in polite company.  If you continue reading and your reaction is “eww” don’t blame me.

I was just in the ladies’ room here at work and was reminded of a humiliating experience in grade school.  It could have been avoided if I’d had an older brother or if anyone else had thought to explain how the intestinal tract works.

My memory isn’t so great with detail so I don’t recall how old I was, but based on my naiveté I’d say I probably wasn’t 10 yet.  I’d gone to the restroom and was in a stall when some other girl came in.  Of course my body chose that moment to betray me and I passed some really obnoxious sounding wind.  In my memory it went on for eons, but in reality it was probably only a few seconds.  I was mortified!  I honestly don’t remember ever passing gas prior that moment.  And I had no idea what had just happened!  I’m not sure why I felt I had to explain myself but I remember stuttering out some lame story about having a condition (I might have even said “disease”!) that was the cause of what had just occurred.

Here my recollection fails; I don’t know what the other girl’s reaction was.  If I was really lucky it was stunned silence as she rushed to finish and exit before I did.  In all likelihood though, she probably laughed at me, or worse.  Why else would that experience be so fixed in my memory?  Add in that I apparently blocked whatever her reaction was and well, you do the math.

So fast forward to half an hour ago.  This time I know the person in the other stall – we’re co-workers and we entered the restroom at the same time.  I drop trou and sit, triggering a similar, unexpected event to the one in grade school.  Wow, really body?  At least this time I knew what was going on and merely exclaimed “Pardon me!”  I hate it when my body surprises me that way!

Like I said before, if only my brother had been older rather than younger.  He’d have taught me all about farting long before that incident ever happened and I’d have probably shrugged it off.

Yeah, right.