I was a dumb kid

No really.

First, let me warn you that this topic could be considered unacceptable in polite company.  If you continue reading and your reaction is “eww” don’t blame me.

I was just in the ladies’ room here at work and was reminded of a humiliating experience in grade school.  It could have been avoided if I’d had an older brother or if anyone else had thought to explain how the intestinal tract works.

My memory isn’t so great with detail so I don’t recall how old I was, but based on my naiveté I’d say I probably wasn’t 10 yet.  I’d gone to the restroom and was in a stall when some other girl came in.  Of course my body chose that moment to betray me and I passed some really obnoxious sounding wind.  In my memory it went on for eons, but in reality it was probably only a few seconds.  I was mortified!  I honestly don’t remember ever passing gas prior that moment.  And I had no idea what had just happened!  I’m not sure why I felt I had to explain myself but I remember stuttering out some lame story about having a condition (I might have even said “disease”!) that was the cause of what had just occurred.

Here my recollection fails; I don’t know what the other girl’s reaction was.  If I was really lucky it was stunned silence as she rushed to finish and exit before I did.  In all likelihood though, she probably laughed at me, or worse.  Why else would that experience be so fixed in my memory?  Add in that I apparently blocked whatever her reaction was and well, you do the math.

So fast forward to half an hour ago.  This time I know the person in the other stall – we’re co-workers and we entered the restroom at the same time.  I drop trou and sit, triggering a similar, unexpected event to the one in grade school.  Wow, really body?  At least this time I knew what was going on and merely exclaimed “Pardon me!”  I hate it when my body surprises me that way!

Like I said before, if only my brother had been older rather than younger.  He’d have taught me all about farting long before that incident ever happened and I’d have probably shrugged it off.

Yeah, right.

Nope, not dead yet

And isn’t it nice to be on this side of the daisies?

So, a brief update may be in order:

About six weeks ago we adopted two dogs!  I adore coming home to them and perhaps later I’ll post something more in depth about how they joined our home.  It’s sufficient to say that I’m totally in love with Bear and Kohl and they keep me busy, sore and laughing.

I think I shared earlier about my job transitioning into me assigning the projects for the team as opposed to it being a “free-for-all” type of thing.  If not, let me say this – I still hate that I’m responsible for doling out the work, but it is getting better.

My mother-in-law’s nursing home went through 2 outbreaks of illness in the last few months and she’s still hanging in there!  My sister-in-law is all moved out of her ex-husband’s house and is busy feathering her new little nest.  Because she’s farther away from Mom now she doesn’t get there to see her as often.  And of course that weighs on JD and I, making us feel like we have to go see her every weekend.

So I think that brings us up to date.

And now let’s return to our regularly scheduled program:

I’ve learned that I am going to have to accept the fact that JD is not going to change.  Not his attitudes.  Not his ideologies.  Not his mind.  This article from The Atlantic helped me understand that and why.  While it is a lengthy read, it’s also quite enlightening and well worth the time.  I found the examples helpful and saw parallels which apply to people I know (JD, SIL, MIL).  And if I’m going to be brutally honest, to myself too.  On one hand it was a bit unnerving to know there’s probably nothing anyone can do or say to open the eyes of someone who doesn’t want to see.  But knowing that actually made me feel better.

Well, work is beckoning … LOUDLY, so I’d better stop this here or I’ll get sucked into more discussion I don’t have time for.  If you’re interested, check out the article.  I’d love to hear what you think after reading it.

🙂

Karma Near-Miss

Some of my favorite memes are Karma related, I especially like a tee shirt I saw which read “Dear Karma, I have a list of people you missed.”  There’s another that says “I saw that,” signed Karma.  I still like Karma memes, even though JD had a near-miss with Karma this past weekend.

A couple of weeks ago my SIL moved into her half of the duplex she bought after her husband decided he didn’t want to be married any longer.  She actually hired movers to help with most of the stuff but prior to that there was a LOT of family assistance in moving out Mom’s belongings from the basement apartment.  Mom will not be going home from the facility where she’s currently residing.  She’s not worse (though she has slid backwards a bit with her speech) but she will never be able to care for herself well enough to be on her own and the facility is more affordable than in-home care.

We took a U-haul up two different weekends to collect stuff.  After delivering a variety of things to our daughter’s place for storage until the duplex was ready we unloaded the rest at our house.  Imagine if you will two bookshelves, a china hutch, a glass knick knack thingy, plus a couple dozen boxes all arranged in your living room around your existing furniture.  We had just gotten the last batch of family hand-me-downs cleared out for heaven’s sake!

SIL is all moved in; JD went down the morning she was moving in and hooked up her computer so she’d be able to work – did I mention the bitch gets to work from home?  I say “bitch” with all the love and snark in my heart.  I am truly fortunate in the in-law department.

Okay, okay let’s get back to Karma – with SIL moved in JD was asked last week by his daughter to help move SIL’s old couch to her mother’s apartment.  Yes, that mother – THE EX.  While JD puts up with a lot on that front (sharing all holidays with her, watching his family welcome her as though she’s a prodigal daughter, putting up with her claim that she has no memory of how she behaved during their divorce) I don’t blame him for not wanting to move furniture for her.  There’s an argument to be made that it was really for his sister and/or daughter, but he puts up with all that other stuff for them, not for himself.  On this point I have to agree with him; he had no obligation to help in this way just because we own a truck and his daughter asked nicely.

So JD lied.  Well okay, he didn’t lie about the truck, it really wouldn’t start.  But privately, he figured that was probably just a low battery.  His explanation to SIL and our daughter however implied there was more wrong and that the Chevy dealer couldn’t look at it right away, plus there was the diagnostic fee which we wouldn’t have till pay day.  The furniture moving request went away; not sure how they managed it and personally, I don’t care.  I love that JD tolerates (barely) having The Ex around, how else would I get to see my grandkids?  But I hate how it makes him feel and I’m just fine with not helping her out.  I know, not very Christian of me.  Sue me.

JD dug out the battery charger (after 2 days of looking) and hooked it up.  We let it charge most of Saturday.  The next afternoon we loaded the dogs in the backseat of the crew cab and he tried to start it for a visit to his mother.  No such luck.  It just clicked.  My heart sank and I could feel Karma breathing down our necks.  JD had implied there was something more dire wrong with the truck and now of course, Karma was going to make that happen.

To wind this up let me say to Karma, “THANK YOU for not kicking our butts over JD’s lie!”  Yesterday JD called AAA and they sent a battery truck out to take a look.  The culprit wasn’t a bad battery!  Or a bad anything else!  The cables had worked loose and while it wasn’t apparent, JD still couldn’t understand why he’d missed that when he was charging it.  I think it was Karma, giving him a little slap/scare that there really was something wrong.  That’ll teach him!  Or not.

Now I’m off to shop for a Karma tee shirt!

 

 

 

Detente Anyone?

She sits there above it all, her expression clearly reflecting her displeasure.  The interlopers have ruined everything!  Accustomed to running about the kingdom as she saw fit, Her Royal Highness is now forced to remain on her throne or come nose-to-nose with the hairy, four-legged beasts who have invaded her domain.  Forget that she too is hairy and four-legged; “They’re monsters!” she hisses.

At least that’s how it looks to me as I observe the interactions between our ancient cat and our new additions. Twig, alone for months now after our beloved Beagle passed, had grown comfortable with her solo role.  She slept wherever and whenever she wanted, moseyed to her litter box if so inclined and drank her fill at the never-ending water bowl (no, NOT the toilet, merely a Sparklett’s-style water dispenser which, for a single cat is the same as never-ending).

Four days ago her self-centered routine was upended when Bear and Kohl arrived to join our family.  At eleven and seven these Black Lab-mixes are as different as night and day.  Bear is eager and enthusiastic, ready for a new adventure, and he easily settled into our household.  His brother Kohl is a bit more skittish and has some separation anxiety, jumping at every unexpected noise.  I feel his eyes on me constantly when I’m moving about the house, as though he needs to keep tabs on me for some reason.

It isn’t like they want to hurt Twig.  They’ve lived with a feline before and were quite friendly with him.  I’ve seen the photos of them sleeping together.  But Twig has been on her own for so long and they’re both so big — much bigger than the Beagle who was Twig’s most recent roommate.  Bear is aptly named; his head is quite bear-like.  He’s tall too; able to rest his chin on my dining room table without having to stretch at all!  Kohl isn’t so large but he’s very excitable and moves quickly.

The boys enjoy a rousing game of tug of war, with us or each other, or with us AND each other.  Three-way tug of war is fun but I’m still sore from throwing the tennis balls on Monday.  It’s been a long time since I played with dogs.  The aforementioned Beagle wasn’t much of a player; probably because she was quite old.  Her partner in crime, our original Lab-mix (who passed a few years ago) did enjoy the occasional game of fetch but he tired out pretty quickly.  These boys play as though their lives depend on it!  Bear (the 11 year old) will give Kohl a run for his money too.  But Kohl can catch balls and toys in mid-air (greatly impressing our 9 year old grandson) and being younger, he’s much faster.  I appreciate their first mama’s advice to always take two balls to the park!

The optimum though is three:  Throw the first one, both dash for it and usually Kohl is there first.  Wait for Bear to turn around, ensure he’s watching, and throw the second ball while Kohl trots back with the first.  As Bear returns with the second, throw the third.  Repeat.

I’ve been looking to adopt a dog again off and on for months.  After we tried and failed to rescue a beautiful Beagle who had been severely traumatized I gave up for a while.  A few weeks ago I started looking again.  I thought we had a Black Lab named Bella but we didn’t have the “rehoming” fee at the right time and while they agreed to hold her till I got paid, I also told them if they found her a home before then so be it.  The important thing to me is that she went to a home and not a shelter or the pound.

Then I saw K’s ad about wanting to keep her boys together.  Some folks wouldn’t give an older dog a second look; add in a brother who needs to stay with him and I think you can imagine the difficulty of finding a home for them.  Once I saw the photo of them, shoulder-to-shoulder carrying a large piece of driftwood on the beach how could I not take them both?

K and her husband are a young couple with an almost-toddler and 2 full time jobs.  Before their daughter was born they did a lot of outdoors stuff with the dogs.  After, well you know how it is.  Some things get sacrificed when you work full time and care for a baby.  Unfortunately, K felt they were neglecting the boys and she wanted them to have more attention.

During the week before they brought them to our house she took them both to the vet for boosters, picked up a joint supplement from the vet for Bear and even bathed them the morning they arrived.  It was clear when we met the family that they loved their boys and the boys clearly adored them.  Their “dad” even inquired about possibly visiting in the future.  I was glad we could put their mind at rest, that we weren’t judging them for choosing to find a new home for the dogs, and that we would give their boys a lot of love.  One of the photos I texted to K later that night showed one of the dogs stretched out on the new bed we bought.  Above him in the photo are some of the toys we picked up at the same time.  Seeing those delighted K and, I think reassured her Bear and Kohl were going to be fine.

Whether Twig will be is another story.  She may have to abdicate her throne and move to my daughter’s place if the three of them can’t get along.  I know they should get used to each other eventually but I’d like to see some sign that’s happening.  She won’t come down off her cat tree to drink or use her box unless they’re gone to the park or asleep on my bed…and I’m standing watch.  I don’t want her health to suffer before they reach détente.  I have to keep reminding myself it’s only been four days.  Sigh.

 

 

NSFW

Unless you plug in your earbuds. And I hope it’s clear that if it isn’t safe for work it isn’t appropriate for kids either. 

I know there are all sorts of benefits to be attained by meditating, but whenever I’ve tried to meditate in the past I usually wake up really groggy with a sore neck.  Not beneficial at all.

However, I may have to try again.


You’re welcome. Have a great weekend everyone.