Dream Reader – Say What?

Post disclaimer:  This post is written with tongue firmly jammed into cheek; please do NOT take anything you read here seriously or personally.  That is all.

Dream Reader huh?  I think I was clear yesterday when I said that I’m not here to accumulate a following, but I’m going to let this assignment percolate a bit and I’ll get back to you.

Tick tock … tick tock … tick tock

Much, much later…

After reading through a bunch of other responses to this assignment I’ve come to the conclusion that I have absofreakinglutely no idea who my dream reader might be.  And thankfully, I’m not alone! (Waves to others in the same boat, or um other boats I guess. Why would you wave to someone in the same boat?)  But before I wander too far into digression let us move on.

Since I haven’t a clue who I’m writing for besides myself, I think I’ll describe who I am not writing for, how does that sound?  Rhetorical question folks; I can’t hear your answers anyway.  And if you’re nodding or shaking your heads – what’s wrong with you?!

My dream reader will not be devastatingly good looking.  Average all the way you guys.  If you’re not average looking, get outta here.  I don’t know about you but I remember hanging with the misfits in high school.  We got together almost by default as we didn’t fit in anywhere else.  One of our group was extremely cute though, and if she hadn’t been so darned nice I think we might have strangled her and left her in a shallow grave.  (See disclaimer above.)

Dear Reader, you will also be the complete opposite of a fitness freak.  If your exercise habits extend beyond reaching for the remote or another cookie, please turn in your Secret Decoder Ring.  (So says the grandmother of nine who lost 45 pounds in the last year. 😉 And the crowd goes wild!)

My readers will NOT be perfect parents, or grandparents for that matter.  Please do not email to tell me what I’m doing wrong.  None of my six kids is in jail; all of them survived childhood, and four of them still talk to me.  So there.  Feel free to scram.

Grammar Nazis and nitpickers can hit the road.  I’m my own worst critic and if I missed something pre-publication I either left it in on purpose or I had more than a few beers while editing.  Or possibly both.  However, I reserve the right to offer constructive criticism where and when I see fit.  Deal with it. (Again, please see disclaimer above.)

Book publishers, editors, agents, authors – all y’all make tracks far, far away.  Oh sure, I’ve imagined being a published author once or twice, but how in the heck could I pull that off and remain anonymous?

Finally, if you’re here for a laugh, maybe the occasional topic to make you think, or to voyeuristically witness the ongoing meltdown of a middle-aged woman – stick around.  I make no promises, but you sound like my kind of people.

Somebody pass me a cookie, will you?  

 

This is Me

Leave it to me to screw up which challenge I’m a part of on the very first day no less.  I just spent 20 minutes free-writing for the Writing 101 challenge, went to click on the Commons so I could post it over there and was told it was a private site.  That reminded me I wasn’t doing the Writing 101 challenge this time but the Blogging 101 challenge.  Well if that doesn’t just start my week off with a bang I don’t know what would!

I’m supposed to introduce myself and tell everyone why I’m here.  [Standing up and shifting uncomfortably from one foot to the other] Hi, I’m JaneyDoe.  Please feel free to call me Janey, or just about anything so long as it’s not “late for dinner”!  That’s what my grandfather used to say when I was growing up.  Now I’M a grandmother!  I am (mostly) happily married and we have six children who have blessed us with nine grandchildren…

[crickets]

…uh, sorry, sorry.  [Fans self with magazine.]  Just thinking “grandchildren” is strange enough but NINE of them can take your breath away.  Plus?  Menopause is a bitch.  Just sayin’.

I’m here blogging as therapy because I can’t afford a really real therapist, or the time it would take to GO to therapy.  And I don’t follow direction well, so when the therapist told me I need to tell whomever it is I’m having issues with that I have issues with them, well let’s just say I wouldn’t.  Why pay someone to tell me to do something I won’t do anyway?

Writing has always been sort of cathartic for me and I set this blog up as anonymously as possible so I would be free to unload anything I wanted here without hurting family or friends.  That will definitely happen at some point – the unloading, not the hurting (if I can help it).  For now I’m content to review the daily prompts and write when inspiration nudges me.  I signed up for Blogging 101 because I’m interested not only in writing, but also in how to update my blog’s appearance and I’m looking forward to learning more about WordPress in general.

Welcome to my world.