Dream Reader – Say What?

Post disclaimer:  This post is written with tongue firmly jammed into cheek; please do NOT take anything you read here seriously or personally.  That is all.

Dream Reader huh?  I think I was clear yesterday when I said that I’m not here to accumulate a following, but I’m going to let this assignment percolate a bit and I’ll get back to you.

Tick tock … tick tock … tick tock

Much, much later…

After reading through a bunch of other responses to this assignment I’ve come to the conclusion that I have absofreakinglutely no idea who my dream reader might be.  And thankfully, I’m not alone! (Waves to others in the same boat, or um other boats I guess. Why would you wave to someone in the same boat?)  But before I wander too far into digression let us move on.

Since I haven’t a clue who I’m writing for besides myself, I think I’ll describe who I am not writing for, how does that sound?  Rhetorical question folks; I can’t hear your answers anyway.  And if you’re nodding or shaking your heads – what’s wrong with you?!

My dream reader will not be devastatingly good looking.  Average all the way you guys.  If you’re not average looking, get outta here.  I don’t know about you but I remember hanging with the misfits in high school.  We got together almost by default as we didn’t fit in anywhere else.  One of our group was extremely cute though, and if she hadn’t been so darned nice I think we might have strangled her and left her in a shallow grave.  (See disclaimer above.)

Dear Reader, you will also be the complete opposite of a fitness freak.  If your exercise habits extend beyond reaching for the remote or another cookie, please turn in your Secret Decoder Ring.  (So says the grandmother of nine who lost 45 pounds in the last year. 😉 And the crowd goes wild!)

My readers will NOT be perfect parents, or grandparents for that matter.  Please do not email to tell me what I’m doing wrong.  None of my six kids is in jail; all of them survived childhood, and four of them still talk to me.  So there.  Feel free to scram.

Grammar Nazis and nitpickers can hit the road.  I’m my own worst critic and if I missed something pre-publication I either left it in on purpose or I had more than a few beers while editing.  Or possibly both.  However, I reserve the right to offer constructive criticism where and when I see fit.  Deal with it. (Again, please see disclaimer above.)

Book publishers, editors, agents, authors – all y’all make tracks far, far away.  Oh sure, I’ve imagined being a published author once or twice, but how in the heck could I pull that off and remain anonymous?

Finally, if you’re here for a laugh, maybe the occasional topic to make you think, or to voyeuristically witness the ongoing meltdown of a middle-aged woman – stick around.  I make no promises, but you sound like my kind of people.

Somebody pass me a cookie, will you?