Why am I suddenly so emotional? I was sitting on the train on the way to work this morning, gazing out the window, which I almost never do, when it occurred to me I’ve been doing this commute for a little over 3 years. The next thing I knew my eyes were filling. WTF?
I blinked back the potential for embarrassment or awkwardness in front of the other commuters, and ramped up the volume on my music. I’m cool. I did not just almost burst into tears on public transit.
But since then I’ve been wondering what might have caused that surprising reaction to a somewhat ordinary thought.
One possibility is that remembering how long I’ve been commuting via train tends to also bring up the fact that we lost our property and house about 3 years ago. But I’m pretty sure I’ve dealt with that loss. I still miss my soaking tub, but otherwise – I’m good.
Alternatively, when going beyond the last 3 years to see the Big Picture, I’ve been commuting in one form or another more than half my lifetime – ack! That’s enough to make anyone want to cry.
Or perhaps my subconscious was facing the hard reality that I will likely be commuting right up until I drop dead. At 57 you’d think I could be looking forward to retirement, if not soon, then at least eventually. Just between us Dear Reader, retirement is merely a dream. I’ll be sitting at my keyboard, proofreading legal memoranda and entering attorneys’ time for the foreseeable future. Or until secretaries become obsolete, whichever comes first.
Is it Miller time yet?